How To Sincerely Enjoy People who May Not Initially Be Inclined to Like you Very Much
How To Sincerely Enjoy People who May Not Initially Be Inclined to Like you Very Much
Dedicated to dearly-loved lost people
On a somewhat regular (sometimes-annual) basis, the details of which are not pertinent to the goals of this little article, Lesley and I place ourselves in a situation wherein we end up spending a couple of weeks with a number of people, whom beforehand we did not know at all. It almost always turns out that the vast majority of these people are not professing Christians, and they do not share our heartfelt values and passions.
Sometimes, when they discover that I am (or was, in my case) a pastor of a Presbyterian church, they might be a bit "put off," or maybe feel a little uncomfortable. In some instances, this is not the case at all; and they are happy to engage issues and questions surrounding religion (and the like).
Our experience, on the whole, among these people has been very positive, encouraging, and pleasant. It is so good to be reminded, that people who are not God's people, can still be, and often are, extremely kind and fun to be around. On top of this, once they get to know you; and they realize that you are not some kind of religious "nut"--they become quite attached to you; and they adopt a kindly spirit of love to you.
I think it is important that we acknowledge that this sweetness is a result of the Holy Spirit's application of common grace given to them. (After all: none of us--regenerate Christians foremost in this respect--have any "goodness" or "decency" in ourselves.) But this truth notwithstanding, we have been amazed at how we can become genuinely attached to these people, with sincere love.
Sometimes, these folks will ask me leading questions, that might be designed to lure me into an unsavory discussion about issues and items that would almost certainly not bear any good fruit. My approach is to earnestly seek to answer their questions honestly--but in such a way as not to be drawn into a hopelessly-contentious conversation.
Typically, what we have enjoyed doing, is just "being ourselves" among these dear people. Are we sitting around somewhere, waiting for a ride or something? If so, and I feel like whipping out my Bible program on my phone, and do some reading--so be it. If someone notices this, and says, "What are you reading?"--I am happy to inform him or her, (and even give this person some of the actual Scriptural content). My experience has been that this has been met with grace (and even humility).
Bottom line: in a world where people seem to be so "polarized"; and we are often told this is the case from a number of sources--I sometimes wonder if this is really true. After all: we are all from the same fallen "lump" of Adamic "clay," (Rom. 5:12); and, at the end of the day, we all have the same insurmountable problems and insatiable needs.
In truth, some of the people that we have met have become very dear to us; and some of them have become friends with whom we have had subsequent significant interactions.
It is important for us Christians who love God in Jesus Christ to recognize that we can (and should) have meaningful and heartfelt relationships with people who (sometimes overtly-state) that they have no love for our Savior. We have the privilege of loving these people, caring for them, looking them square in the face with kindness, and praying for them.
Common grace is an amazing thing; and God clearly deserves the praise for all of this. But saving grace is what we sincerely want these dear souls to experience. How do we convey this gospel message to them? Through sincerely loving them, seeking to serve them, and praying for them.
Of course, we really do want to share Jesus and His gospel with them, as well. This opportunity is readily made available to us once God has given them an affection for us. At this point, we may gently and effectively tell them about our glorious Redeemer.
So, when we part with these kinds of people, we part from them in love. They know that we care for them; and their attitude toward us is, in many cases, significantly altered from where it was (at the beginning).
Rev. Mark J. Henninger
Treatise #7
13 February 2025
Yes, yes, and YES! This feels very "Schaefferian" of you. Francis Schaeffer would be amen-ing your entire reflection. "Earning the right to be heard" is how I've often heard it said (whether that's a Schaeffer phrase or a paraphrase of his heart, I don't know). Common grace, as you so beautifully remind me, opens doors maybe even precisely because we treat the other person as if they have true dignity and beauty (by that common grace) that is worthy of "mining" and verbally celebrating in our conversations. You do that with ME, so it doesn't surprise me that you exhibit that same kind of grace and delight toward unbelievers with whom you cross paths.
ReplyDeleteBless you, David. To me, YOU are the epitome of this; and I have learned so much from you--just by getting to minister alongside of you. What you say about Common Grace is so pregnant with meaning. Is it not amazing, how these wonderful traits are found in God's creation of human beings--even among those who do not (yet, at least) love our glorious Redeemer?! Seeing these characteristics in these dear lost souls, (who are where we used to be, as well), only engenders MORE desire in us, to see them brought to the kind King Jesus. It dawned on me, after writing that article, that this was the "secret" of the Apostle Paul's success with the Gentiles, (speaking from a human point of view). He loved them; they loved him; and the elect among them became just like him. [Smily faces all around!!]
ReplyDeleteI agree re: Paul! (Humanly speaking!)... Acts 17/the Mars Hill discourse reflects this pattern, I think!
DeleteYes; and Paul saw a beauty in them, that reflected the image of God in them!
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